What’s it like to be married to a writer

Back in February, erotic romance author (and all around awesome person) Roni Loren shared an interesting post: AmyBeth Iverness interviewed Roni’s husband Donnie on her blog. The post centered around what it was like to be married to an erotic romance writer.

Well, Annie Neugebauer and I were in blog love. Donnie’s answers were so much fun to read, and our minds tingled with thoughts of how our husbands would answer similar questions. To satiate that curiosity, we’ve decided to created our own version of the same concept. Here, below, you will find Kyle’s answers about his wife, Annie. On Annie’s blog you will find my husband Daniel’s answers about me. We hope you enjoy!


Febe: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done to help your wife with writing?

Kyle: My mind instantly snaps to combat scenes. Quotes such as “Pretend like you’re going to try and knock me out” or “How would you get up if I was pinning you down like this?” are common in our household. I just pray that her characters don’t get in any complicated knife fights in the future. That’s just an accident waiting to happen, especially with me. Although, we have the knives…Ok, now that I think about it, I hope she writes a complicated knife fight soon.

Febe: What’s your favorite thing she’s ever written?

Kyle: That’s a toughie. I love all of her darlings. The dark, moody, gothic ambiance of Scarcliff is unmatched mastery of setting in my opinion. (I’m not biased, am I?) The action scenes and world creation of Once the Darkness Comes are the best of any post-apocalyptic book I’ve ever read. The characters in The Echoing are so real and interesting that I wish I knew them in real life. All of her poetry is amazing. Am I actually expected to pick one thing? Impossible.

Febe: What do you do with yourself when your wife is working on a big project?

Kyle: I spend a lot of time at work myself, but when I’m at home while she’s working you might find me with a historical fiction novel revolving around ancient Greek, Roman, or 1800s Napoleonic war. I also have been known to play a little bit of Xbox (not too loud) from time to time. I love movies; I rarely pass up an opportunity to see the latest new release or any World War II classic. I have some model soldiers that I’ve been putting off painting – I just can’t paint with a steady enough hand to make all of the tiny details how I see them in my mind. I think she’s happy that I don’t play my didgeridoo very often. Anyone trying to sell a drum set? I feel like I would be good at drums.

‎‎Febe: How do you feel when people ask about your wife’s job?

Kyle: Proud. People are always fascinated with her profession and I always love sharing her latest achievements. Some people find it hard to believe that sweet, cute little Annie is in fact a writer capable of creating a gruesome, violent, dark world with her work. I think it’s awesome, and I am very proud of her work and all that she does.

Febe: What is the worst part of being married to a writer? The best thing?

Kyle: I regularly find myself thinking “Dang, she works so much harder than I do.” She is a very driven individual, and puts so much time into her work (I’d say a minimum of 8 hours a day in the salt mines [read: at her computer], but the hamster wheel in her head never stops spinning). Of course, receiving a rejection letter can pull the lever on an emotional roller coaster every now and again, and it’s hard to see agents not pick her up to represent her like I know they should. They’re really missing out; they just don’t know it yet.

The best thing about being married to a writer is sharing the joy of her accomplishments. When she completes her latest work, wins a contest, or gets a request for a full, it really is a great feeling. I have never been the greatest at expressing emotion, but I am truly happy in those moments, and seeing her face when something great has happened is simply wonderful.

Febe: And as we all know, every good writer has a cat or two. How do you and your writer’s cats get along?

Le buttons de grump
Snaps “the spaz” kickin’ it with his homeboy

Kyle: Buttons is just grumpy – I’m convinced she detests everyone but Annie. We get along in the way that a gorged lion gets along with an injured zebra. I’m the zebra, avoiding the lion so it doesn’t bite (eat) me.
Buttons is the gorged lion, too lazy to pursue the injured zebra. Every now and again, she’ll lick my hand in what Annie perceives to be a motherly, nurturing way. I think she’s just trying to decide if I would be a tasty snack.

Snaps is a spaz. He likes everyone. He’ll sit on my shoulder if I stay in one place long enough, like when I’m playing video games. He loves to play and will regularly ambush me from around a corner when I’m walking by. He likes me, and will express it by head-bumping me and purring vigorously. (Side note: he did not like me when Annie and I were giving him a vegetable oil/baby shampoo bath – I’m pretty sure he wanted our world to end at that point.)

Febe: Thanks Kyle!


So many thanks to our wonderful husbands who took time out of their busy days to answer our silly questions and always support us in what we do. We love you guys!



  1. Pingback: What It's Like To Be Married To a Writer | Annie Neugebauer

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